Tag Archives: Disney Channel

Santorum: “God Is Testing Me”

Miley Cyrus singing in concert

Miley Cyrus singing in concert (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

CAP News caught up with Rick Santorum on the campaign trail and sat down for an interview with the Presidential hopeful. The candidate sounded upbeat when asked about poll results and remaining primaries, although his mood was pensive.

“My intention to continue my campaign is as strong as ever, despite the challenges I currently face,” Mr. Santorum said.

Mr. Santorum believes God istesting him in the form of pop sensation Miley Cyrus. “Some may say that this is Satan’s doing,” he said. “But in my heart of hearts I cannot imagine that any creature as beautiful as Miley Cyrus could ever be the work of the devil.”

Mr. Santorum took his daughter to see a Hannah Montana concert last fall and couldn’t get her out of his mind for weeks. “Every time I tried to focus on day-to-day matters, such as drafting legislation to criminalize birth control or shopping online for sweater vests, my thoughts would wander,” he admitted. “And there she would be, wholesome and innocent in her sassy pink jacket and high-tops, unknowingly fanning my most wicked desires into a blazing, sinful inferno.”

At this, Santorum stopped himself. “I should note that Miss Cyrus is nineteen years old, so it would theoretically be perfectly legal for me to lie with her in a procreative fashion once we had pledged ourselves to each other for eternity in front of God,” he said.

Mr. Santorum paused to beat his head with his fists for several moments.

“Sometimes I can go hours without dreaming of that seductive siren,” he said. “And other days it seems like whenever I happen to turn on the Disney Channel weekdays at 3pm and again at 7:30, there she is!”

Although he is suffering, Mr. Santorum believes he will come out of this a stronger person.

“My wife Karen stands by me with grace and courage,” he said. “I’m so grateful for her support. Every time I’m about to fall into a pit of shameful lust, she reminds me that I am better than this, and that God Himself wants me to beat it.”

CAP News asked Mr. Santorum about the photographs that had surfaced of an underage Ms. Cyrus partying until the early morning hours, to which he responded that “it’s just a phase” and that she has a good heart and will repent. “Of course, it might help her if she had a strong role model,” he added. “An older man, one with wisdom and experience, to guide her firmly back into the fold and to teach her how to be a pious, submissive woman.”

Via CAP News. Happy April 1!

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Celebrity News To Make You Feel Old

Hilary Duff Face

Image via Wikipedia

Everyone remember Lizzie McGuire? I used to love that show, and I’m only slightly ashamed to admit it.

Hilary Duff, 23, who played the Disney Channel‘s Lizzie McGuire, announced yesterday that she’s pregnant. The news came via her blog on the one year anniversary of her marriage to hockey player Mike Comrie:

I can’t believe it has already been a year, time really flies when you’re having fun!

We also want to share the exciting news that…… BABY MAKES THREE!!!

We are extremely happy and ready to start this new chapter of our lives.

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