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You might remember Ted Haggard as the closeted evangelical Christian pastor outed by his prostitute-slash-meth-dealer. Mr. Haggard insists that everyone has it all wrong.
Mr. Haggard, featured in this month’s GQ, clears up the misconceptions about what he was doing with his prostitute. “We never had sex sex,” he insists. Oh, okay, because if you just had sex without italics, it doesn’t count.
“I bought drugs and a massage from him, and he masturbated me at the end of it. That’s it.” But then he adds, “I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify as a bisexual.”
This is a big step forward for Mr. Haggard, whose staff told The Denver Post after the scandal broke that he was “completely heterosexual.”
As for the meth…“Sometimes I’d throw it away,” he says. “Other times, I’d go someplace and masturbate and use it. But it was for masturbation. And that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t been real clear. I don’t want to stand up publicly and say, ‘Hey, I’m a masturbation guy!’”
So, hey, in the interest of fairness, let’s give the new Pastor Haggard a shot. He’s founded a new church (after getting kicked out of his old one), and he seems to be on the right track: “I don’t judge people anymore.”
Awesome lesson. I’m glad to hear Mr. Haggard’s not judgy anymore. In fact, this post started out all kinds of judgy until I realized there’s a good lesson here: Let’s all just be a bit nicer to each other, okay?
I probably don’t agree with anything he’s ever said, but I hope he’s off the meth, off the adultery, off the hypocrisy, and doing well. I hope his flock come around to him again and learn that the scary non-straight people are not so scary after all.